Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
