walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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