I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
