i jhust puked up my retainher.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
