Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
this just has baby written all over it
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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