he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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