Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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