I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
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You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
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I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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