she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
