You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
