apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
