can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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