She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
