There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
two words: eviction party
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
