My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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