I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
