dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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