I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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