My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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