this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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