im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
