fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
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I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
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I was told my cock was a religious experience.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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