I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
