Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
