A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
