i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
