don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
