like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
