I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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