but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize