You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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