I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
