Your tits are I can't wait for
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
