I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
