i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
