the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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