If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
