please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
