The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
