I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
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