feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
