My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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