Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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