tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
