after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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