the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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