god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
