She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
