Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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