Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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