well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
