i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
