I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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