I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
