I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
