So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
