Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
