you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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