I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
