You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
