She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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