why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
