i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Every concussion has its silver lining
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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