So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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