Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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