like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
