why didn't you poke me back
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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