Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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