We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
