I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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