you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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