What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
