woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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