I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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